What disappoints you the most?

Rony Gao's answer to: Survey Questions: What disappoints you the most?


My greatest disappointment is when I lose interest in things that I used to be passionate about.

For example, I was very good at math in elementary school. Not really the "genius kid" type, but my math was good enough to secure 90+ in exams, for which I would be considered a fairly smart boy. Thanks to my parents' early education, my math skills and instincts were always one or two years ahead of the school curriculum. I enjoyed all sorts of brain teasers, mental arithmetics, participating in maths competitions, and other opportunities that allowed me to use math-related skills. One of my proudest childhood memories is when me and my twin drew a circle around a plastic wash basin on the floor of my grandma's place using chalks, and cut it into 1-cm segments with a ruler to measure its circumference. We would then compare the circumference with the diameter in order to come up with a value of π! There you go: Two third-graders, without any instruction, designed a project to empirically verify a geometry theory and even using some basic calculus thinking! So you can imagine our genuine interest in math.

Things began to change after Grade 8. In China, we faced standardized Entrance examination for high school and college admissions (Zhongkao and Gaokao). Math, of course, was an important subject to be tested. So we had enormous pressure of getting good marks in math. The pressure turned my passion into indifference, then lack of passion, then dislike. In Grade 9, I found myself getting inconsistent marks in math, often because of careless errors I made in exams. The real reason was because I didn't practice enough compared to my classmates - or maybe I was always a careless person. Anyway, my worsening scores dragged my passion away from math classes and homework. This lack of practice, again, hindered me from getting good marks. Vicious cycle... :(
Anyway, the story is, I stopped being interested in math, and I was disappointed about it. I knew my disappointment was not only from my bad performance in exams, but from the fact that I lost interest in math.

I know as a matter of fact that the transfer of interest is just inevitable in everybody's growing-up. Losing passion in one thing usually means finding a new love to compensate and comfort this loss. For example, after my interest in math faded away, I discovered my passion in languages. From high school to college, English was one of my favorite subjects. I happily put in more time exploring this new territory. I think this change was constructive. But it's just the first stage when you realize you lost interest in your old love, that is really disappointing and discomforting.

P.S.: I do not hate math now. In fact I am very thankful that I came from Asia where academic foundations are taken seriously. I'm also lucky to have grown up in a family that valued early education (my parents both work for universities). Good math foundations and quantitative reasoning skills opened many doors for me. It only annoys me when, knowing how badly I once wanted to be a mathematician or natural scientist, I accept that I'm not that interested in it any more. I guess this self-discovery can be rather disappointing for anyone. It has nothing to do with money, achievements or inter-personal relations. It's purely a disappointment about how your enthusiasm changed.